An introduction

 I used to have a blog. It was this one actually, originally intended to somehow make me money through adsense (I was a student at the time, no income to speak of), I filled it with whatever I could think of, which wasn't all that much. Even less of it was interesting.

I'd usually just mention how my day was going and how many games of League of Legends I'd lost that day. 

Then I abandoned it, not necessarily willfully, it just faded into the background until I forgot about it, as I imagine many projects of that nature tend to do.

Fast forward a year, and I spiralled into a depression, which caused me to pick the blog back up, if nothing else, then just to rant. And rant I did, complaining endlessly about how sad I was, and how I was going to end it all. I've since deleted those posts, the thought of anyone seeing them in passing makes me cringe, but alas, a teenager does what a teenger do. 

It's now 15 years later, and while I generally think myself matured and relatively successful in life (I've got it all, partner, house, cats), somewhere I'm still that child. And recently I've found myself having a hard time ordering my thoughts, and focusing on my work, which is frustrating. I do enjoy my work, it's generally engaging, I can do it from home, and I think I'm quite good at it, but when, at the end of the day, I look at my screen and go "I haven't done anything today," that doesn't feel good. 

And that's the crux of it, isn't it. It doesn't feel good, and I, for one, like to feel good. About myself, and my work, and so in an effort to get past this mental block, I thought "why not write it down." And so here I am, writing it down. 

Reading it back, it's a little bit rambly, but then I don't think anyone's going to really give this a read, much less two, so I am, in effect, just screaming onto the void. 

I wasn't sure if I should publish this but no harm no foul, I suppose.